I have had a day of rest and relaxation. Grandpa took Elle to school. Scott had hours long conference calls he was involved with and needed the house very quiet. I decided to watch the seventh season of The Office in my room with my dogs, I started at about 10:00 this morning and just got down with the episode when Michael leaves and I have never changed out of my pajamas today!
I love, love, love The Office. It has been a favorite of mine and my kids for many years. Especially Tanner and Emma loved to watch it with me. As I laughed so much today it made me think of my two kids. The kids that are very far away from me at the moment. As the day has progressed and I watched Michael leave the tv series it actually has made me feel sad and miss Tanner and Emma. I am struggling at this very moment with the reality that my two oldest kids are unable to be here with me. I know this is just a small moment in time but for this moment I feel sad. I think my sadness is compounded with the fact that I am living in a new situation and I miss my life and friends that I had in Rochester. It just seems to be the perfect storm tonight!
Okay I actually feel better about it now that I blogged about it. I have peace in my heart and know that things are how they should be. I am happy and hopeful for Tanner and Emma that they will reach goals and serve the Lord and become great people. I want this for them. I don't want then to feel like they can't do these things because ti causes to much pain in my life. Those of you how have had children leave and move on in their life I would appreciate hearing from you and know how you have transitioned through this trial in your life.
Today I am grateful for my family. I have been so blessed to be a mother to 3 awesome kids and a wife to a caring husband.
I know I will feel great in the morning and beable to move on with life but right now I just need a really good cry. It is so hard to let your kids move on with their lives even when it is such a positive experiences for them. I have been a mom to them for 20 years now and I really don't know how to much else and so when these chapters in your life come to a close and new ones open there is a great sadness and emptiness that enters your heart. On the other hand I am so so so so happy for them both to be having experiences that will help them become the people God intended for them to become. It is through this kind of stepping out of our comfort zones when we grow the most. I know they are enjoying their lives and learning and growing. I also know that this helps me grow as a person too. But sometimes, just sometimes it is very hard!
Okay I feel much better now.
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