Thursday morning thoughts

 I have been feeling a bit of anxiety lately.  It has become a calming experience for me to look out my back window in the morning and observe what God created.  The seasons, we are still in winter.  It is gray and dreary today.  I see beautiful white snow.  I see a bird hoping from branch to branch.  This bird is crazy because usually many of his bird friends are joining him but not today...they are all choosing to hibernate.  I see a gray squirrel jumping from tree to tree.  I find all this nature very interesting and it helps to calm my soul and help me gather my thoughts to face my day. 

We got Tanners letter this week.  I think it was one of his best.  He answered lots of questions and told me what exactly a zone leader does.  It seems like to me that it is kind of like being a bishop of a ward but in a smaller way, instead of 600 people to worry about Tanner has probably 30 to worry about.  I am sure he will learn skills from this experience that he will find useful in his life forever!

I am grateful for my dad.  I just got off the phone from talking to him, I love him!

P.S.  Tanners list of zone leader duties from his letter this week.

1.1 (In response to Mom's question) - Zone Leaders do lots of things. I made a list the ither day for my journal. It includes:




• Introducting new Mis. to the residence halls & the MTC in general (after their first class)

• Giving a tour to new districts

• Giving an orientation meeting to the new mis. on their second night here. (Mostly talk about how to get along with your companion and stuff)

• Interviewing District leaders about the state & health of their district

• Enforcing residence hall standards of behavior

• Making goals for all of the foreign language elders in our Zone

• Organizing rotations to help sick or injured elders - i.e. making sure they are never alone & that their companions can still go to class (this is a bigger deal than this sentence makes it seem!)

• Planning the program for Priesthood & Sacrament meetings

• Telling Elders how to pass/bless the Sacrement

• Getting the bread and water for the sac

• Sitting up on the stand

• Checking districts out when they are ready to go

• Making sure nobody in the Zone does anything stupid

• Go to leadership training meetings

• Go to Branch council meeting

• Go to residence hall behavior meetings (by far the worst part of the job)

• Going to more leadership training meetings

• Know everyone

• Be nice to everyone

• Give advice to everyone

• Relate how I have done with all of the above to the Branch President, both in pen & in person

Monday chores

I am sitting on the couch and watching the snow fall down ever so softly. It is beautiful.  It has been a day of cleaning and washing.  I think I had 7 loads of laundry to do this morning when I got up. 

My mom and dad got to go to the MTC today and give Tanner a piece of lugage.  The mission president gave my mom and dad permission to visit with Tanner for 15 minutes.  I am very envious. 

Not much else to say today.

I am grateful for the beauty of the snow.

snowed in and suffering

Lets pick up the story from where I left off yesterday.  I wish I didn't have a continuing story to tell but sadly it looks as though I still have stones to pass :(  Remember I mentioned that I still had some small feelings of pain and pressure in my bladder, well they have turned into severe pain.  It is kind of like having a baby.  The pain comes and goes in waves but I feel a constant pressure to pee.  I made it through the afternoon yesterday and prepared my talk.  I got a good night sleep without any problems.  I got up this morning feeling good and happy that I was going to be going to church and giving a talk instead of in extreme pain passing stones.  Literally as soon as I sat down from giving my talk my back started to ache (this is a symptom that I have learned to recognize) and then I felt like I was having bad menstrual cramps.  Scott looked at me while I was sitting on the stand and smiled he was trying to get me to smile.  My face had started to contort into shapes of pain I am sure.  I put my smile back on my face and just concentrated on breathing.  At the end of sacrament it was announced that church was cancelled because of a huge snow storm we are having right now, road conditions were becoming dangerous.  I was happy to hear that we were all excused to go home.  As the morning has progressed my pain has intensified.  I am now 100% SURE that I am still in the process of passing stones.  If everyone reading this will please send my your "poor Krys" sympathy through the your mental wave lengths I would appreciate it.  I really like people to know I am suffering and suffer along with me.  Please go slam your finger in the door and think of me when you feel the pain.  Now wait that is not painful enough.  Go have a baby without an epidural and then think of me!  Thank You!

On a good note.  I gave my talk today.  That means I am good for another couple of years before I will be asked to speak again!  My talk went well and I feel very good about it.

I am grateful for a nice comfy chair that I can watch tv in while I suffer in pain.

Just another Saturday in the life of Krystine!

So it is 2:30pm on a Saturday afternoon.  The sun is shining outside.  The sun is even shinning inside of me!

My day didn't start so great but I am grateful that it is ending beautifully.

I woke up this morning at 4:00am.  I had to run to the bathroom because I was dreaming that I was peeing and woke to find it was not a dream but that I needed to go!  But there was a problem...

I was in great pain.  I immediately thought that I had developed a UTI or more commonly known to me as one of the most annoying infections I get occasionally the dreaded bladder infection.  When it burns like hell to pee and you have to pee A LOT!  But this morning was a little different in the pain intensity and just how I felt.  Soon I awoke Scott because when I am in pain I like other people to know that I am in pain.  After discussing with him that I was beginning to think I was passing kidney stones and not just having one of my usual bladder infections I asked him to give me a priesthood blessing.  What great comfort and peace I felt afterwards. 

So I continued to suffer severe pain as my body worked to pass these stones.  I finally was able to crawl into bed around 9:00am and fall asleep.  When I awoke I felt much better.  I think I passed my stones.  I am not sure.  I only know I am no longer in pain.  I am hoping that all the stones passed.  I keep feeling little pangs of pain once in a while but for the most part I am good.

So there you have it.  My Saturday morning adventures!  Now on to writing my talk I am suppose to give tomorrow morning at church.  Which would you rather do....pass kidney stones or prepare and give a talk in sacrament?  I know which I would rather do.  I am preparing for the lesser of the two evils, I would rather give a talk any day of the week rather then suffer the kind of pain I did this morning :)  Just Saying.

I am grateful for a healthy and pain free body!

Lessons to be learned

Once again the sun is shining this morning!  I need a little sunshine to fill my soul today.  (Oh, I think someone should write a song about that!)

I have a lot of things I need to get done this morning and I am feeling a little unfocused.  Sometimes I wish life could be simple.  But then how would we grow?  I need to learn to ask the right questions...what am I suppose to learn from this experience? 

Right now I am struggling with my kids (especially the oldest daughter).  Emma is making a decision that will effect her future.  (I guess every choice we make effects our futures)  But this is a big one.  I am tired of fighting and arguing with her about school.  She wants to get her GED instead of finish high school.  Scott and I have decided to let her pursue this route in her life.  I second guess myself every day.  But I know Emma has lessons to learn from choosing this path.  Although I think it is the more difficult path to take (she thinks it is the easier one, but in the long run it really isn't)  but when it is all said and done ultimately Emma has to live and learn from her choices.

How can I help my kids grow without taking their agency away?  As a parent when do you let your kids make mistakes that you know they will come to regret?  Our Heavenly Father lets us make mistakes all the time without interfering.  How hard it must be for Him?  He sends the Holy Ghost to try to influence us, but how many times do we ignore those feelings and promptings when He is trying to communicate with us?  I feel like I am the Holy Ghost trying to talk to Emma and she is just choosing to not listen and do what she wants anyways.  How frustrating!

I love Emma and am and always will be proud of her.  She is a great daughter and a loving, kind, and compassionate person.  I want what is best for her.  I think she needs to learn from her own choices so I am allowing her to choose.  I know she will learn valuable lessons from this experience, it may take some time to learn the lesson but she will.

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father.  He is mindful of each one of us.  He feels pain and sorrow when we feel pain and sorrow and  He feels joy when we grow and become more like our Savior.

Great things

When I look out my window this morning it looks as though it is very cold out there.  Looks can be deceiving.  It is a very foggy morning but I have hope that the sun will burn through this gunk and shine for me today.  It is suppose to get up to 50 degrees today!! 

I am looking forward to a great Thursday.  What is going to make this day great you might ask?  I am not sure.  All I know is if I think it will be great then it will.  Maybe I will get a phone call from one of my sisters and that will make my day great!  Maybe I will get my house clean and that will be great!  Maybe I will find my keys to the church that I have lost and that will be great!  What ever happens I know it will be great :)

I am grateful for prayer (I know Heavenly Father is going to help me find my keys!)

Wednesday Stuff

Happy Hump Day!

I really like Wednesday because this is the day when my friend Emily comes over each week to have a lesson and discussion with the missionaries in my home.  I have been praying for Emily a lot.  Maybe if you believe that God answers prayers you can join with me in praying for Emily.  She struggles having faith and believing that Jesus Christ is the literal Son of God and the Redeemer of all mankind.

So I got Tanner's letter yesterday but he asked that I not share it with others this week.  But he is doing very well and even got made a zone leader.  We are not sure what that means exactly but I think it is good.  All I know is that he is happy and busy doing the errand of the Lord.

It is a beautiful day!  The sun is shining and the temps are going to climb into the 40's!!!!  That is exciting.  The snow has begun to melt and it is a beautiful sight.  I now officially love spring!  I think living in Rochester my love of the different seasons has changed over the years.  I use to love Fall, Winter, Summer, and then Spring.  Now I love Fall, Spring, Winter (from Nov. thru Jan., I dislike Feb and March very much )and then Summer (I don't enjoy the humidity).

Okay enough jibber jabber...I am off to have a great day!

I am grateful for sunshine and melting snow!

How do you Celebrate Valentines?

Lovers Day.

How do you spend your valentines day?  Scott is gone out of town.  Elle is babysitting.  So Emma and I are going to make her favorite dinner and celebrate!

I think Valentines day is kind of a dumb holiday.  I do my best to show my love to Scott and my kids every day of the year, why do we need a special day to express our love to those we care for.  I don't think it is necessary for Scott to spend money on gifts to show his love for me.  I much would rather have a kind deed done or a nice massage then any flowers or chocolate given to me on this the day of love. 

I am grateful for Scott and all three of my children I love them with all my heart!

Can I Do It?

Its Friday!  I don't know why I am happy that it is Friday.  All our school days run into each other.  Saturday is just as much a school day in our house as any other day of the week.  I have just the same kind of day on Saturday as I do on any other day of the week.  Scott has been so busy working lately that he seems to always have to work for a few hours on Saturdays...So why is Friday so exciting?

I did great yesterday with not eating any sweets.  It was very difficult for me.  I wanted to munch and nibble on something sweet so badly!  But I found some will power somewhere in my inner gut and made it.  Now today I also have a goal of not eating any sweets...can I do it???  YES.

I had a great day yesterday and felt wonderful.  I hope I have turned a corner with my funk I have been in.  I have been reading the New Testament since I finished the Book of Mormon.  It is teaching me so much about Jesus Christ.  I am so grateful for his perfect example. 

I am grateful for the hope I feel in my heart, I know it comes from knowing that Jesus Christ is my savior.

Rethinking things so I can be Successful

I think by acknowledging my depression it actually helps me feel better.  Ever since I blogged about it I have felt like I am starting to feel better.  Maybe it is just because I know that spring is right around the corner.  Whatever the reason I am happy and feel like doing something!  What a great feeling after feeling so blah for the last month!

So my goals for 2011 have already failed.  But instead of feeling badly about this I am going to change them so I wont feel bad about how it has gone so far.  I think I need to break down my goals into smaller more attainable portions.

My goals on Jan. 4 were:

1. Pray daily morning and night on my knees
2. Attend the temple once a month
3. Start school taking one class this semester
4. Work out 5 times a week

1.  So the praying goal is going pretty well.  It is already Feb. 10 and I have only messed this one up a few times.  But I can do better.  It is my goal to have 100% in the month of Feb. and not let my laziness get in the way.  When I fail is when I stay up to late and fall asleep on the couch with Scott watching TV.  I need to go to bed when I am not extremely tired otherwise my prayers are stupid (not focused, sincere, or meaningful).  So my goal this month is to go to bed when I am not to tired and to have meaningful prayers.

2. Attend the temple is going very well.  I went to the temple in January and it was a wonderful experience.  But I have not put on my calendar for Feb. when I will attend the temple yet.  So my goal today is to pick a date and get it on the calendar and call the temple and reserve a spot.

3.  School, I have failed at this goal.  And don't really feel the desire to do it right now.  I thought I did but now I feel differently.  The day I was going to go take a test for placement I had a Relief Society emergency and had to cancel my appointment.  I wasn't even upset about this.  I think this goal may be off the mark for me.  I am going to change this goal to something else but I need to ponder and pray about it and see what feels good to me before I choose another goal.

4.  I have totally failed at exercising 5 days a week.  I think I have gone and exercised twice this year.  I have not felt like it (depression) and now I think I need to take this one day at a time.  Like today  my goal will be not to eat any ice cream or sweets today.  I think if I set attainable goals daily for my health I will feel better, I will be able to reach my goal, and I won't feel like such a loser.  When I feel like a loser I just go wild with my eating because I already feel bad.  So one day at a time.  I can get through this day without any sweets!  I don't care about tomorrow or 5 days from now, I only care about today!

So there you have it.  I am going to be successful today!  Pray today morning and night on my knees today!  Pick a date to attend the temple this month and call and reserve a spot!  Not eat any sweets today!  I am a success already!!!!!

I am grateful for the cold, cold days of Minnesota (-8 this morning) they help me appreciate spring.  I have never been a fan of spring until I moved to MN.

per allisons request...pictures

Jesse's Girl!

Mine and Elle's stash of candy for the concert!

Thumbs up right before the concert begins.

The girls had a great time (no kidding!)  And they can't believe that Rick Springfield is 60!

We had awesome seats 10th row right on the isle.

Good times were had by all.  It was a riot watching all the old women rocking to Rick Springfield and then I remembered that I am one of those old women!

The Science of Green Waste

I have found a new favorite breakfast item.  Ice cream!  This is my third morning in a row that I have had a bowl of ice cream for breakfast.  I can get away with it because the girls are still sleeping and Scott is at work.  Why not start my day with a yummy bowl of ice cream?  It is full of calcium and other nutritious things I am sure.  It is probably just as healthy (if not more so) as those sugary cereals that claim to be a good start in the morning but instead turn your poo green.  (one time Elle was screaming for me because her poo was green and I couldn't figure out why then it dawned on me that she had been eating rainbow cereal A LOT and that is why her poo was such an odd color!  Case solved...I should be a forensic scientist!)

I am grateful for phones so I can call people who are far away from me that I love. 

This cold weather is for the birds!

I have found a new spot in the house where I like to sit in the morning and blog.  I am sitting in my family room on my big black comfy chair staring out the window at the birds that keep looking for food.  The owners of the house before us had bird houses in the back yard but they took them with them.  I think the birds here are very sad because the new owners are not feeding them.  I wonder if the birds are so active today because if they stand still for more then 3 seconds they might literally freeze to death.  It is -23 below outside right now.  When I went out to drag the garbage out to the road this morning I couldn't get the gate to open to where the garbage cans are kept.  The hinges were frozen solid!  My buggers were frozen solid!  My mind was frozen solid!

Do you think that the birds buggers are frozen?

I am grateful for a warm cozy house.

Blue February...I thought February was suppose to be red!

Good morning Monday morning.  How are you?  I am great!  I am sitting here in my big black chair staring out the window watching the snow fall oh so slowly and it is mesmorizing.  What a peaceful way to start my week.  As I sit here an ponder my life the last few days and even weeks I am wondering if Scott is right.  He told me I always feel "this way" in Feb. at least for the last 20 years that he has known me!  What is "this way" any ways? 

I feel uninspired.  I feel less energy.  I feel like I just want to stay in bed a little longer.  I feel like I don't want to solve other peoples problems.  I feel like I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and watch movies all day.  I feel like I don't want to blog.

Now do I have the February Blues??  Yes probably so.

I am already taking medication for depression (yes I suffer from depression) and it works wonderfully 11 months out of the year.  What happens in February each year I don't know!  Scott offered to send me to Utah for a few days this month so I could lay in bed with my sister.  I am not sure if I should take him up on that....is it really helpful to have two depressed women laying in bed?  Or maybe it is just what the Dr. ordered?

Actually I am going to do my best here in Minnesota and hope that February leaves 2011 fast!  (good thing it is only 28 days long!)

I am grateful for my sisters Allison and Katie.  I miss you!

Sunday Morning Thoughts

Sleepy Sunday.  I am going to close my eyes in a minute and take a nap.  I have a love hate relationship with early morning church time.  On one hand I get done with church by noon and I have the rest of the afternoon to take a nap and do Sunday things, but on the other hand...it is so hard to get everyone up and moving in time to walk into the church before the opening song is sung.

I am grateful for the light beautiful snow fall I woke up to this morning.

Flashback in Time to 1984!

Last night Scott took the girls and I to see Riverdance.  It is a performance of mostly traditional Irish dancing.  It was really amazing.  Most amazing to me is the amount of calories these young kids must burn during each performance!  Tonight the girls and I are going to see Rick Springfield in concert!!  I am so excited :)

There once was a time when I was in 9th grade when all my friends sluffed school to go to his concert in SLC.  (We were going to school at night because our school had burned down and we were sharing the middle school with the middle schoolers)  My parents had told me I couldn't miss school to go to the concert but all my friends were going so I was going to lie to my parents about it and go anyways (stupid peer pressure!)  I was just about out of the building when my typing teacher caught me and asked where I was going (I was suppose to be in her class at that very moment, I really am not a good lire when put on the spot) so I told her what I was doing and she informed me that if I left school she would fail me for the test that I was suppose to be in her classroom taking at that moment, even if my parents called in and excused me from her class. (she didn't know that my parents didn't know what I was up to and they would never call in and excuse me) So sadly I went to her class and missed the concert that all my friends attended that night.  But looking back I am grateful that my teacher helped me avoid having to lie to my parents and I passed the test and her class.  I can now type these wonderful blogs thanks to my typing teacher!

But I am excited to go to the concert and relive my freshman year in high school without having to lie!

I am grateful for adults who keep us on the straight and narrow path!

Ancestors

Today is a blogging day.  I am not sure why but I just want to.

I got a package from my Aunt Laurie yesterday and in it was a wonderful scrap book that my Grandma Elaine had made about a year before she passed away.  It was the life story of my Great Great Grandmother Emma Catherine Barrus.  She is who Emma Kate is named for.  My Grandma Elaine's own parents died when she was 11 and her Grandma Emma raised her and her two brothers.  It was a wonderful tribute to her.  I learned so much from reading it.  I started reading it around 9pm and didn't finish reading it until midnight.  It was so interesting.  I hope that my ancestors some day read my life story and are amazed at the life I had.  Not because I did anything extraordinary but because I endured to the end.  I feel blessed to have ancestors that worked hard and had strong testimonies of the gospel, enough to have passed down their beliefs and traditions to their children and so forth.

I also learned that Emma Cathrine's  great grandfather Freemen Nickerson who joined the church in 1833 and served two missions one with Joseph Smith to Canada in 1833 and another to Boston in 1840-42 was a man with a great testimony of the restored gospel.  He was one of the first group of missionaries to open up a mission in Boston.  He baptized over 40 people there.  He then died in Jan. of 1847 as he crossed into Iowa after he was forced out of Nauvoo.  (And now Tanner is serving in the Boston MA mission!)

This is all new genealogy to me!  I love learning about my ancestors!  It makes me want to be a better person.

I am grateful for Emma and Elle, they make my life wonderful!