Hope

I already have a headache and it is only 8:15am.  Last night the missionaries came over.  They come over every week and teach my family.  Why you ask?  Well they are suppose to teach less active families and we fit the definition of a less active family.  The girls don't participate in activities very much, and often don't go to church.  So by definition we are a part active family. 

When the missionaries asked if they could come teach each week I thought why not, it certainly can't hurt and it might even help the girls (and Scott and I for that matter).  Last nights session was a doozie.  Emma refused to pray and got up and walk right out of the room and Elle was well....Elle in her best form (which is not saying much!).  Scott was cracking jokes that actually were not nice towards me!  I just sat there and started crying. (I don't know why but I just couldn't hold it back) I think he was shocked to see me cry and he didn't know what to do and oh it was a mess!  Right there in front of the missionaries.  So now the truth is out...the Greer's are not perfect and it is really hard to try to do what is right and endure well. 

Yesterdays blog was about not being perfect. The Greer's were the perfect model of imperfection last night.  I can relate to everyone who comes to me and tells me they are just not perfect enough, this is my reality too! 

I know that the gospel is perfect but people aren't.  If I only had to do it for myself and didn't worry about my family I think I would be less frustrated.  But when you have a family and you want your family to make the right choices and when they don't it becomes so hard and it is easy to just give up. 

When Tanner was around it was a little bit easier.  He was always very supportive of family prayer, family home evening and even family scripture study (I would have it in the morning with the three kids before we started school) but now he is gone I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.  The girls hate doing it.  Scott is kind of supportive but he never takes the initiative.  Some days I feel like I am trying to move mountains and I just can't do it.  I feel badly because I spend time helping others and I can't seem to help my own family.

So as you can see I am kind of in a sad state of mind right now.  I don't want to be sad when Tanner calls today.  It is going to make me miss him so much when I hear his voice.  I hope I don't cry.  I don't want him worried about me.  I need to get my act together.

All families have really bad moments.  I love my family so much.  I love Scott.  He is a wonderful husband and he usually 99% of the time is very considerate of my feelings.  Elle is so fun to be around, she has so much compassion.  Emma is sweet and is always willing to serve without complaint.  Last night was just one of those nights that happen to take place in front of the missionaries and now in front of all of you because I am sharing this story. 

I feel better.  I am going to pick myself up this morning and try again to be a good mom today.  I am going to keep trying to influence my family for the better.  I am going to never give up that is just what Satan wants me to do.  I may have trying moments but that is just what they are...moments.

I am grateful for Hope.  I do have hope in all things and I know nothing is impossible through Jesus Christ.